


What Might Have Been

by FyreFaerie



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: AU Season 1, Emotional, M/M, Mentions of abuse (not by Tom or Chakotay), Miscarriage, Mpreg, Reruns inspire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-06
Updated: 2017-02-06
Packaged: 2018-09-22 10:14:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9603521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FyreFaerie/pseuds/FyreFaerie
Summary: Shared pain. Possibilities.





	

There were no words as Chakotay let himself into Tom's quarters. The blond just silently handed him a bottle of something that smelled of greenery and hard alcohol. 

One drink later the older man was able to speak. "It would have been today wouldn't it?"

Tom didn't speak for a long time as he drained another glass of the alcohol. "What gave you that idea, Commander?"

"When you all but snapped at the Captain I figured out that... today should have been-" Chakotay was cut off by Tom throwing his glass at a wall.

"Don't speak about it... not after everything... not now." Tom hissed as he shuttered with internal feelings.

Chakotay inclined his head and took another drink from his glass.

Half a bottle later Tom spoke in a low tone. "They said it would have been a boy... when it was over in the penal colony. I made the doctor there show me what he would have looked like. Our boy would have been tall and dark... and handsome. More so than either of us."

"You never told me what happened. You were arrested pregnant and then I saw you with Janeway and no child." Chakotay said as his heart hurt for what could have been.

Tom laid his head back in the couch. "Placental abruption."

"But that's-"

"Treatable? Yeah. But in the penal colony they don't care about giving their detainees anything more than the basic medical care. Even the pregnant ones." Tom let out a long slow breath and stared at the ceiling.

Chakotay's breath caught and he had to pause before he spoke. "What happened to..."

"I asked a friend of mine to have them sent to Dorvan... to a spiritual leader of some kind. He was going to give the remains a proper send off... whatever that is for your people. Better your way than enshrined in the Paris tomb of eternal pomp." Tom rolled his head back and forth with a sigh. "Do you know how badly my father reacted to that? He came with my mother in mourning garb to collect his 'poor ill-fated' grandchild. Only to find that it had already been sent off to another planet to be chanted over by heathens... he would have beaten me if I wasn't in the medical ward with all its automated monitoring."

A small piece of Chakotay relaxed knowing that their child was safely cared for by his people since he hadn't been able to do it.

"You'd think I'd hate you... but I don't. Not really. I hate what happened but not that it was. Not that he was. You understand?" Tom leaned towards Chakotay and stared at him through narrowed eyes. 

Chakotay couldn't help but nod. He didn't regret the child. But the only thing he regretted was the what-ifs playing out in his mind. "I wish-"

Tom cut him off. "I played that game way too often. It's best to just leave it alone."

Sinking back into silence Chakotay sat beside him and tried not to hurt.

When Tom spoke again his voice was empty in a terrible way. "Would you have accepted him? Being my kid and all?"

"Of course." Chakotay said instantly with no hesitation in his voice. "Tom, I took you to bed because I cared about you. Not for your allegiance but for your spirit. Did I hate you for choosing someone else's side? Yes. But that could have never meant I'd turn you and our son away."

Tom nodded. "That's the one thing I couldn't figure out in my mental game of how it could have gone. I was never sure if you'd accept us."

The quarters went quiet again and without warning or a spoken reason, Tom laid his head over the slight gap between them to rest it on Chakotay's shoulder.

Slowly Chakotay put his arm up around the slighter shoulders and closed his eyes when dampness seeped through his uniform where Tom's head was pressed. Within a moment he was quietly crying too.


End file.
